Missed me? I HAVE been gone for quite a while you know. Oh you...you didn't notice? Well...it was on the news...and..stuff. Everyone was talking about it...when? You know, that week...when that stuff happened...and..yeah.
So hello everyone, I apologize for the lack of Matta-ness lately but don't get all up in my grill (as my father says. Yes, he says that. I know) because a little thing I call HIGH SCHOOL sucks up all my time these days.
How is school you ask? (You are so polite today!) School is a fiery pit of torture and textbooks. My family? Jolly, as always. And me?
Well, let's just say that my life has not been the easiest the past few months due to the previously mentioned fiery pit. But there are some cool things that have happened. Like uh, perhaps a new baby cuz' being born? (a.k.a Joseph) And an awesome New Years celebration. And some other stuff I can't think of right now.
And of course some bad stuff. Like my uncle being sick (I love you dude! Haven't spoken to you in a while but hope you're feeling better) and my neck and back deciding to go on strike and dreaded MIDTERMS and such. The list could go on. And we all know that I could go on. And on.
But I come to you as a new and improved person. No longer the middle-school-edition Danielle, who complained about trivial things. No. Today, as a mature young woman, I have decided to discuss more important, worldly topics.
Like how much pop-culture and teenagers suck.
Think about it for a second. Teenagers and pop-culture go hand in hand, most of the time. Whatever the trend may be, them young'uns are following it. In the 50's, they were all Elvis Presley-ing and sock-hopping and adding a few feet through blowing up your hair-ing. During the 60's it was marijuana and go-go boots. In the 70's they thought it was hot to wear bell-bottoms and not wash their hair. I think you get the point. Every decade there is just some sort of trend that society- but mostly teenagers- follow.
And I don't know what the HECK is going on with my generation, but the trends are getting scarier each year. Let me enlighten you. Here is all the things you need to know to be a 2012 Teenager:
Rule #1: Ignore The Seasons
Winter got you down? The cold just not coordinating with your closet? Screw Mother Nature, wear whatever the heck you want! It's ok that it's below freezing and you're wearing the tiniest shorts you could find. Don't worry that it's snowing and your STILL wearing the same short-sleeved football jersey. The seasons have nothing on your underdressed self!
Rule #2: Animals Are All The Rage
It can get pretty boring being a human. No fur, no feathers, no opposable thumbs. (wait a secon-) Shhh! The only way to go is make every accessory and clothing piece resemble the south american jungle! If you wear a pair of feather earrings, a cheetah print shirt and some sort of oddly shaped furry jacket, you'll blend right in with the circle of life!
Rule #3: Contradictions Are Your BFF
No one likes someone who has an opinion and sticks with it. So why should it be any different with style? Feel free to wear your pajama pants with the tightest shirt you own, preferably one that you bought when you were six. And don't forget to accessorize! You'll be the talk of the town when you wear your thick, ugly Eskimo boots the color of deer poop (now comes in blueberry vomit too!) and 'nerd glasses' even though you have perfect vision. And if you do actually need glasses...what are you doing, take them off immediately and pretend you're bumping into things on purpose!
#4 What Works For Everyone Else, Works For You!
Doesn't matter if you weigh 87 pounds or 300, because you are entitled to wear whatever size your best friend is wearing, no matter what! So don't feel bad squeezing into a size 00 skinny jeans (the skinny part was necessary, because obviously 00 wasn't skinny enough) or the cylinder tube of spandex your friends call a 'skirt'. Mi casa et tu casa, or something like that!
So there you have it. Here is your Teenager Diploma. Use it wisely. (Like drinking way too many Monster energy drinks and taking pictures of yourself in the mirror while nonchalantly flipping the bird.)
Love,
Danielle
