You know guys, sometimes life does this thing, where it sneaks up behind you while you're parading around thinking you're a Big Deal, with lots of people watching you because they think you're Cool, and then it pantses you. Yup, life thought it would be mighty funny to just yank them suckers down and watch as everybody else laughs. And you always think, Life, Why You Be So Evil? And life just displays some deuces and peaces out. Like, "Good luck with that."
Well, family on the interwebs, I am afraid that Life pantsed me today. And I will now tell you why.
As of today, I am officially 15 and half years old. To most of you, you may now be thinking, "AWWWWWW, I remember when I was that old! What a delicate and precious age. That youth, I can smell it." And to that I reply with a NO. NO, being 15 and a half is not a precious age, it is a HORRIBLY TAUNTING age. 15 and half means, hey pipsqueak, you ain't even sixteen yet, SO SIT DOWN and say hello to 14 for me *snicker*
16, of course, being the glorious age of independence, jobs, and CARS. Oh man guys. I want to drive SO. BAD. I have a Pre-Driver's Fever, the constant hallucinations and daydreams of the wind and freedom blowing through my hair as I round a sharp turn in the California sun in my bright red convertible, with "Born To Be Wild" playing on my radio. I can already see myself whipping out my license like an F.B.I badge to the grocer cashier and being like, "Yeah. I know. I'm picking up groceries. BY MYSELF. Because I drove here. BY MYSELF. You don't have to be jealous hun, it's just the way things are. Oh, cash, not credit please." Not to mention the speedy getaways when I get into heaps of trouble with the po-po will be INCREDIBLE.
And today my children, was supposed to be a major milestone in the long and tedious process of WAITING for that license. Today I was going to take my driver's permit test.
Notice the past tense. And no, it is not because I chickened out, or a meteor fell on the DMV (though I wouldn't be surprised) or that we didn't have the correct forms with us. Nope, I had planned out this afternoon down to a tee. I had mapped out the exact time my mother would pick me up from school early, so that I insured I had just enough time to arrive at the DMV and wait my turn and take my test before it closed at 5 p.m. I already printed out my application and filled out all the necessary information, brought along my Birth Certificate, my social security number, my passports, EVERYTHING. I even brought along a little extra touch-up makeup for my picture that they would take and put on the permit. I was READY guys.
And as my mother and I entered the DMV, we thought we must be the two luckiest women alive to discover the DMV practically empty. We strutted up to that front counter, took in deep breaths, about to tell those people that the Queen Driver has arrived and then....
"Excuse me ma'am, the DMV is closed due to our Internet server being down. All of the town is having this problem actually, somebody cut a chord."
And then I combusted into 5000 pieces and they marked my tombstone, "That Chick Who Never Actually Got to Drive May Her Future Mini Cooper Bless Her Soul."
But seriously guys. I'm surprised they didn't say, "Oh, our bad, that split second you stepped into here we changed our policy so that nobody from this point on can ever get their permit again. Ever. Kaythanksbye!"
But "Internet server being down" may be PRETTY close.
The only explanation: Apocalypse. Or alien invasion. Or maybe Romney is going to win the presidential election.
*shudder* I can't imagine which one will be worse.
Until next time Life spits in my eye,
Love,
Danielle
